As Coroner I Must Aver …

A lot of people most likely do not understand what a coroner does.  I did not. For instance did you know that

  1. Coroners do not need medical degrees or understand pathology?
  2. Coroners do not need any training – medical or otherwise?
  3. Coroners do not perform autopsies?
  4. Coroners are appointed or elected by voters?
  5. To get the job they only need to be of legal age and have no felony convictions?

An year long investigative report by NPR goes into the details of the history and job of coroners and tells us what this job is about.

Once a person meets the basic age and criminal record …

“Basically, to be a coroner, you just have to be publicly popular. I guess it’s more of a popularity contest. Then you learn the job as you go.”

Actually there is no need to learn anything as well. They just need to pronounce people dead sign death certificates.

There are coroners everywhere you look in the management, marketing and social media world. They go by the name Gurus, Marketing ninjas and social media mavens  etc.  Just like a coroner these Gurus

  1. Don’t need any formal education
  2. Don’t need any training
  3. Don’t  have to run a business, met a payroll, struggled with product slips, market changes or internal IT systems
  4. Don’t need to look at a business anymore than what they see in newspapers  or their single visit to pronounce it dead (or alive)
  5. Don’t have to collect data, analyze or get second opinion
  6. Don’t need any basis in facts to pronounce you have reptilian brain, you are left brained, you need naps to kindle creativity, you get your best ideas in shower etc.
  7. They just need to be popular with enough people as followers who suspended their own curiosity and willingness to look for contradicting evidence

For all these factors the Gurus are just like coroners.

I see one difference though. I think coroners will get in trouble for pronouncing live people dead or dead people alive. On the other hand the coroners of management world, the Gurus, have no such worries. No one is going to call them out on their remarkable proclamations.

As coroner I must ever,

Blockbuster is not only merely dead but most sincerely dead!